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Reflections from a month of transformation

I thought I was going on vacation — but really, I was on a month-long retreat of self-practice, immersed in the intensity of walking the walk, putting every moment of clarity and expanded awareness back into my own insights.


{I highly recommend everyone to take time here and there, to sit with yourself, to be by yourself, to be uncomfortable, to struggle, to be aware and grateful of those things that make you feel like you want to crawl out of your skin.}


Undoubtedly — these are the things we need to celebrate more of in our lives. With tremendous gratitude.


I went to my favorite beach in the US and got disgustingly sick with a terrible cold; I visited the town I graduated from high school in for the first time in a decade; rocked my crying newborn nephew to calm; I went to what I thought was my favorite beach in the world only to witness vast human destruction; I wrestled with it all and with myself; I slept in a dorm-style room with 4 other spiritual powerhouse women; I practiced and experienced myself into a place of surrender.


I watched with horror this month as women’s bodies have become legally objectified by the highest court in this great land. I realized the projection of my own pain upon my child and students. I realized the compassion that comes through sitting with others in deep suffering while simultaneously finding gratitude and joy in the light. I feel ever more delighted with the serene land and home I have grounded into, am caring for, and which is becoming a beautiful sacred community space.



I’ve seen how I dig my head in the sand in aversion to the suffering of others, and how I’ve only robbed myself of love and light as a result. I’m learning how to communicate.


I stand ever more firm in that it is not within the job description of “spiritual leader” to abuse my power by promoting my egoic opinions on political causes, no matter how strongly I personally feel about something.


I’ve allowed the essence of the goddess to come into me in this last month, giving me a sense of being mothered in a way that has transformed my life. And I’m here to say that the goddess shall prevail, y’all. WE HAVE SO MUCH TO BE GRATEFUL FOR.



So I threw myself a 40th birthday party — the first birthday party I’ve had since my 13th birthday. And what I found was that through my month of sitting in suffering yet looking to the light and finding grace and even a little bit of joyful bliss, I found that my energy of celebration was not matched by many.


I spent the majority of my party swimming in my pool with and bouncing in the bounce house with a group of my favorite 7-11 year-olds. And y’all, we have so much to learn from children. Let’s go back to our inner child for just a moment.


How much do these statements stir you:

The children don’t care about colors or genders. They engage in play-fighting games to get their wiggles out, not to hurt others. They don’t care about the news or what new trendy bug is going around. The children love all the colors and shapes and sizes and see how everything in life fits together. They are fearless. The children love sugar and play and burning energy for the sake of burning energy. They make everything a game. They yap and ask a million questions. They know they’re friends before they know each others’ names. They get in your face and tell you their lightest secrets. They imagine — they have rich colorful inner worlds. They just want to play. When was the last time you played?


Has the world gotten so seemingly messy that we’ve forgotten that moving through our suffering and sitting with others in their suffering is the KEY to finding joy and play and lightness in our lives?



It’s time to find more joy. It’s time to come back to the feminine. It’s time to ground into the earth while floating up to the clouds. We need to be able to smile again!!! Turn off the tv, put down your social media for a day (or 1,000), stop blaming, stop complaining and DO something (!), stop listening to all the adult nonsense in your world and come back to Being like a child — as all faces of God have shown us is virtuous. Have a delicious giggle fit with yourself. Play. Set your inner child free so that you can learn and love to celebrate in life and love once again!


Y’all, if the Queen of Burlesque, Betty Rowland, can live a beautiful joyful life until 106 ripe glorious years of age, there’s inevitably something to be said of the power of the divine feminine. It’s LIFE-giving, moving, kick-butt, and profoundly creative. And nothing will stop it.


I’m shooting for 100 people at my 50th birthday party. Let’s start working on that now. Celebrate life. Celebrate suffering. Celebrate change and celebrate the faith of knowing that the goddess shall prevail…and that Everything. Is. Just. Fine. Live your life like it’s a game. Trust and surrender to Her. And find joy.


P.S. The yoga is evolving ever more powerfully. Get ready for some goddess power. I’m back on the floor Monday, July 4, to celebrate our independence from distraction and darkness. We have some celebrating to do. Ready. Set. Go!

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